Every now and again we get the urge to let our hair down. Friday and Saturday night can be a big night, but there’s always something holding us back. Whether it’s money, or having to go to work, or just a natural sense of pride, it can be hard to really let loose. Not for these celebs, though. These guys and gals have more money than shame and more free time than they know what to do with. Their insane parties make your night out look like a knitting circle. And worst of all, they never even invited you.
Miley Cyruss Bare-All Birthday
Let’s face it, there’s a lot of men (and women) out there who would do anything for a night out with the new Miley Cyrus. Forget grinding on Robin Thicke – the singer’s transition from dewy-eyed innocence to atomic sex bomb had been on the cards for a very long time. Now everybody wants a piece of her and her rock n’ roll lifestyle. They know she can both twerk hard and play hard.
Her 21st birthday was the stuff of legend, especially if you’re a pubescent teenage boy. There were strippers, of course, and blow up dolls in every corner of the party. The guest list included – more or less – everyone in the music and film industry who didn’t hate her (and probably a few who did, but were curious anyway). The centerpiece was a cake shaped in the image of herself. Nude. Scattered with marijuana leaves. Now go have a cold shower.
Yves Saint Laurents Opium Launch Party
The late seventies were a time of great release and killer parties. The Vietnam War was finally over, and an optimistic and reckless spirit had taken to the air. No-one would think twice about throwing a million-dollar yacht party, complete with Chinese pagodas, a 1000 pound Buddha statue, fireworks, and a guest list featuring 800 of the richest and wildest.
Despite controversy over the branding of his fragrance, Yves Saint Laurent certainly did not think twice. When Opium launched in 1978, he threw a yacht party so epic that those who couldn’t make it had regrets for years afterwards. Sadly, we weren’t invited (or born, if you want to get technical) either, but we do keep a bottle of La Nuit De L’Homme on the bedside table, just to remind us of the good times.
Michelle Obamas Hush-Hush Rager
When you’ve got a setting as grand as the White House, occasionally you want to shake off the politics and hold a big-ass party. Which is exactly what the First Lady, Michelle Obama, decided to do for her 50th birthday. Given the media and social media lockdown – guests were even required to turn their phones in at the door - we can only assume it was epic.
Just look at the guest list: Beyoncé, Jay-Z, Stevie Wonder, and pretty much every other celebrity in town. The rest is a mystery, so we’ll just have to make it up. Like 5,000 bottles of gold flake Luxor champagne, George W. Bush impersonators, strip Twister, and a herd of drug-addled pygmy elephants. Allegedly.
Playboys Roller Disco and Pajama Party
Here’s a party you still have a chance of being invited to. True, it’s a very slim chance, but the Playboy mansion is still technically open for business. Just imagine the hordes of luscious women, ridiculously wealthy actors and bachelors throwing money around, the moonlit grotto, the endless champagne, the dirty old wrinkled prune himself. Okay, stop drooling.
There’s a wild party pretty much every week at the Hef’s sprawling house, but we can’t name them all. So we’ll just pull a highlight out of the archives – his 1979 Playboy Roller Disco and Pajama Party. We’re not sure who came up with the combination, but it was a stroke of inspiration. True, the pajamas were more like bikinis, and yes, the roller skates were just an easy way to get drunken guests into the pool, but add a bit of Bee Gees and saxophone and you’ve got our kind of fiesta.
Justins Unbeliebably Debaucherous Night
Baby-faced Biebs is a man now, and he’s not going to let you forget it. He’s not going to let you forget that he has a lot of money, too. If you want to make a quick buck, try snagging an invite to Bieber’s next one. You could come out on top – in so many ways.
His house party, which it seems didn’t even need an occasion, featured three open bars, crazy amounts of pot, every huge personality from the music industry, multiple visits from the police, and a couple of dozen naked women. If that doesn’t entice you, how about this: Bieber was making it rain all night, doling out a very generous $10,000 in small bills like it weren’t no thang. I suppose to him it ain’t.
Charlie Sheens Gut Buster
“Sometimes, the only measure of a good night is whether you wake up in hospital.” We made this entire quote up, but it could have been lifted straight from The Bible According to Charlie Sheen. Loud and (mostly) proud of his animal-like partying, the ex-Two and a Half Men star has seen his fair share of party injuries.
But being rushed to hospital? Not all that often. It happened recently, though, after an outrageous two-day binge. The guest list was small – just a few Charlie-sized handfuls of women – but the cocaine consumption was not. At one point, one source reported a briefcase full of bricks of the stuff arriving, only for Charlie to immediately tear it open and send it flying. After 36 hours of hoovering, at 7a.m. in the morning, an ambulance was called to cart him off. He was suffering from intense stomach pains and ended up having a hiatal hernia. From partying. We’re kinda appalled and kinda proud at the same time.
Suri Cruises Outrageous 2nd Birthday
It’s a sad kind of life when you realize that even toddlers throw better parties than you. No way, you say? My parties are crazy good, you say? Well, how about a quick comparison between a typical house party and Suri Cruise’s 2nd Birthday.
You’ve filled the snack bowls with Doritos and Jelly Babies. Suri had $45,000 worth of catering by none other than Wolfgang Puck. You’ve put up some Rolling Stones posters and switched the light bulbs to red ones. Suri had a room filled with a thousand actual butterflies. You’re playing Mario Kart and beer pong. Suri’s playing with a real giraffe. We could go on, but we don’t want to make you too sad.
Truman Capotes Black and White Ball
Truman Capote was an irrepressible socialite, unable to turn down an invitation. He also held some magnificent parties. In 1966, the author, screenwriter, and actor had just published his classic “In Cold Blood”, and needed a way to celebrate. It was not a spontaneous event, though – it took three months and $16,000 to plan.
Over five hundred guests (including Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr., and a couple of the Kennedys) showed up in black and white, with masks to conceal their identity. The theme was My Fair Lady, but the guests were anything but. The highly charged mix of artists, actors, authors, and musicians led to more than a few altercations, including insults being thrown, Lauren Bacall giving partner after partner the flick, and Capote himself hassling Sinatra when he attempted to leave. I’m not sure why you would want to, Frank.
Kris Jenners Totally Great Gatsby Party
Despite F. Scott Fitzgerald’s classic novel being a warning about the excesses of American society, there was not a hint of irony when Kris Jenner took up the theme and threw a lavish Great Gatsby party. The matriarch of the Kardashian brood, and super-celebrity by association, celebrated her 60th in 1920s style – two million dollars’ worth of it. Among the 250 guests in attendance were Kanye West, Chrissy Teigen and John Legend, Tyga, Boy George, Melanie Griffith, Olivier Rousteing, Lisa Rinna and Corey Gamble.
All the party mainstays were in attendance for another long night of gossip, dancing, and spilling expensive champagne on expensive gowns. Kourtney got confused and came dressed as a gangster. Money was thrown around. And Fitzgerald flipped in his grave.
Bill Murrays Party Crashing
There’s no man in showbiz quite like Bill Murray. The Saturday Night Live funnyman and tremendous actor can, at times, be so quirky that there’s even a website dedicated to rumors about him. One particular rumor, that surfaced a year or two ago, was that he no longer held his own parties – he just crashed others.
But not celebrity parties. No, Murray would turn up uninvited to parties being held by regular folk. If it was our grandpa doing it, they would have been concerned and possibly arrested. But when Bill Murray turns up unannounced to your house party, all you get is good times. The rumors were true, by the way – a Charleston man named Marvin Larry Reynolds has the videos to prove it. Bill Murray dancing to Lil John’s “Turn Down for What” - now that’s epic.
Kate Mosss Frantic Festival
By the time she reached 40 years old, Kate Moss must have been running out of party ideas. The English model and wild party animal - way back when even Lindsay Lohan was innocent – is no stranger to drugs scandal and endless binges. And with reported annual earnings of $9m plus, why wouldn’t you let loose every now and again?
So when you run out of party ideas, it’s always good to look back at history’s famous debaucheries. For her 40th, Kate Moss went with a Glastonbury theme – England’s famous music festival and carnival that’s been running since 1970. Think one hundred guests and four endless days and nights of fire eaters, live bands, raves, tarot readings, mud, booze, and a pharmaceutical company worth of drugs. The younger set could learn a thing or two about style.
Kylie Jenners Trip Down the Rabbit Hole
It looks like it runs in the family, this party thing. Even though she was nowhere near the legal drinking age, and only barely able to drive, Kylie Jenner’s raucous 16th birthday proved that you don’t need to drink to have fun (although the other celebrities on this list might disagree). Either way, getting a take-home goodie bag with $1000 worth of stuff does make the sobriety easier.
The theme was Alice in Wonderland, and though not a single guest bothered to dress up, the entertainment came thick and fast. Drake performed a few birthday numbers and when Kris Jenner walked in with a tiny pig on a leash, the party got a little bit strange. But we like that in a party. We don’t want to sound old and creepy, but we’d totally want to go to this one.
Amy Winehouses Life
Dear Amy Winehouse, we miss you. You were the heart and soul of our mixed up times. We know that you had your difficult moments. We know that you had some doomed relationships. We heard about the time you head-butted a stranger and broke into your own house, and we saw the videos of you half naked, and of you and Pete Doherty and the mice. We know that your entire life was one frightening party.
Please, Amy, I hope you’ll forgive us for saying this, but we wanted to get an invite to your insane life. We didn’t really want to get drunk with you, or smoke crack, or punch people in the nuts. But we wanted in. We waited for your call. We wanted to be a part of your life, and help you and hold you and make everything better. We miss you, and we hope at least up there you’re drinking God under the table.
Sir Philip Greens Spending Spree
The owner of the British Topshop fashion and retail brand, Sir Philip Green is one of those quiet multi-billionaires who rarely makes the news. It wasn’t until his 60th birthday party that he decided to let his remaining hair down and do something completely wild. Since he shared his birthday month with his daughter – who was turning 21 – he did something small for the both of them and built an entire nightclub.
The resulting celebrations lasted four days and cost the man an unbelievable $6 million to host. The celebrations were divided between the nightclub, which was built up on a cliff, and the private beach below, and featured every single thing that $6 million dollars of pocket money can buy (a lot of ice cream, we’re guessing). Celebrities flocked like ants to sugar. Our invitation was somehow lost in the mail.
Harry Styless Margarita Madness
The One Direction golden boy may not have a great deal of musical talent, but sure does have a pretty face. And, of course, he can host a mean party. His 19th was the stuff of every young man’s dreams, and by that we mean booze, women, and buddies. And a cake fight thrown in for good measure.
While not an entirely original concept, where Styles’s big bash shone was in sheer volume. During the course of the night, he and his pals racked up a $8000 bar bill, including endless Jägerbombs, a fountain of champagne, 10 bottles of wine, and a praiseworthy 99 frozen margaritas. Hopefully next time he can squeeze in one more. We’d be happy to help.
Andy Warhols Non-Stop Factory Party
Sometimes in the middle of an incredible party, you take a look around and think “I wish this would never end.” Andy Warhol must have had the same idea. From 1963, when he got his studio on East 47th Street in New York, to 1984, the party just went on. And on. And on.
The Factory, as it was called, was decked out in silver paint, fractured mirrors, and foil everywhere, and it attracted artists, writers, musicians, socialites, drag queens, and free thinkers. There was screen printing, movies being filmed, orgies, and an endless supply of amphetamines. Some people came and simply never left. Other hardened partiers stopped by for a while but couldn’t hack the frenetic energy. We know which camp we’d be in.
Paris Hiltons World Tour
Before she became a criminal then dropped off the celebrity radar, Paris Hilton was a simple, stinking rich girl who just wanted to live life to the fullest. Endless social reports and an illicit video or two can testify to the fact that she really knew how to party in (varying degrees of) style. So when faced with her 21st birthday, she didn’t want to do something as mundane as boring old Kate Moss.
Her ingenious solution, which is actually the solution to most party problems, was to go for longer, to go harder, and to host her party in FIVE different time zones. Over five days, her exclusive jet-setting guest list traveled to Las Vegas, New York, Los Angeles, London, and Tokyo, getting wild in each city. We don’t know what would be worse at the end of it – the hangover or the jet lag.
Leonardo DiCaprios Pumping Yacht Party
We all know that after an intense shoot, actors can often come to resemble their roles. No-one has taken it quite as far as Leonardo DiCaprio, though. After shooting on “The Wolf of Wall Street” wrapped, the star did exactly what Jordan Belfort would do: grab his wingman and throw a crazy part on a yacht.
The yacht launched on a sunny Friday afternoon in Sydney, Australia. As DiCaprio and co-star Jonah Hill cruised the harbor and took in the iconic skyline, they partied up a storm with a heaving crowd of barely-dressed women. While Hill looked at times genuinely uncomfortable, it was no sweat to DiCaprio, who could easily be part of this generation’s Rat Pack. It’s unknown when, if ever, the yacht returned to port. We’d definitely keep sailing.
Tiscis Insane Ibiza Weekend
If you want a place where even the tamest of us can have massive nights, then Ibiza’s your island. From day club to nightclub then back again, in a heady procession of lavish drinks, VIP areas, and superstar DJs, the party only ends when your credit card does. Unlike us, though, the mega celebrities of today have quite a few cards.
Ricardo Tisci may not be a household name, but his brand, Givenchy, is draped all over the rich and famous. So when he gave the shout out on his 40th birthday, who could refuse? For a few mind- and possibly (we’re not judging, really) drug-blowing nights, the designer was joined by the crème de la crème: Diddy, Kim Kardashian, Kanye, Paris Hilton, Zac Efron, and many more. Naturally, there was no expense spared.
VMAs Unreal After Parties
We’d like to finish off this list with an easy-to-follow recipe for party greatness. Step 1: Gather together a couple of hundred people with a lot of money, who have been furiously feuding, sleeping together, and destroying each other on Twitter over the last year. Step 2: Make some of them deliriously happy with an award or two, and the rest of them sad and resentful with a big thumbs-down. Step 3: Give them a lot of alcohol and drugs, then slip quietly away.
Here’s one we prepared earlier: the MTV Video Music Awards after party, which have become renowned for their wild abandon and all kinds of off-stage mayhem. Some of our highlights (or lowlights) include a scuffle between Diddy and J. Cole, a shooting, a lot of groping, and anything involving Miley Cyrus. If you’re amongst the seven billion lowlifes who, like us, haven’t got an invite yet again, maybe it’s time to try this at home.
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